Poem #25. Alone [وحدي]

by Mahmoud Darwish [محمود درويش], translated by The Scholar

[Standard Translation]

Now, things are the masters, and this silence is high like a fly.
Do we perceive the unknown within us? Do we sing as we used to sing?
Fortresses have fallen before this day, but now the air is sour.
Alone, I defend a wall that is not mine.
Alone, I defend air that is not mine.
Alone, I stand on the rooftop of the city...
Job has died,¹ and the phoenix has died, and the companions have departed.
Alone. I coax my grieving self, but it refuses to help me against myself.
And alone,
I was alone
when I resisted alone
the final solitude of the soul.

والآن والأشياءُ سَيِّدَةٌ، وهذا الصمتُ عالٍ كالذبابهْ
هل ندركُ المجهول فينا ؟ هل نُغَنِّي مثلما كنا نُغَنِّي؟
سقطتْ قلاعٌ قبلَ هذا اليومِ، لكن الهواء الآن حامضْ
وحدي أدافع عن جدارٍ ليس لي
وحدي أدافع عن هواءً ليس لي
وحدي على سطح المدينة واقفٌ...
أَيُّوبُ ماتَ, وماتتِ العنقاءُ، وانصرفَ الصَّحابَهْ
وحدي . أراود نفسيَ الثكلى فتأبي أن تساعدني على نفسي
ووحدي
كنتُ وحدي
عندما قاومت وحدي
وحدةَ الروحِ الأخيرهْ

[Translation With Romanization]

Now, things are the masters, and this silence is high like a fly.
والآن والأشياءُ سَيِّدَةٌ، وهذا الصمتُ عالٍ كالذبابهْ
Wa al-aan wa al-ashyaa'u sayyidatun, wa hadha al-samtu 'aalin ka al-dhubabah

Do we perceive the unknown within us?
هل ندركُ المجهول فينا ؟
Hal nudriku al-majhoola fina?

Do we sing as we used to sing?
هل نُغَنِّي مثلما كنا نُغَنِّي؟
Hal nughannee mithlama kunna nughannee?

Fortresses have fallen before this day,
سقطتْ قلاعٌ قبلَ هذا اليومِ،
Saqatat qulaa‘un qabla hadha al-yawm

But now the air is sour.
لكن الهواء الآن حامضْ
Lakin al-hawaa’a al-aan haamid

Alone, I defend a wall that is not mine.
وحدي أدافع عن جدارٍ ليس لي
Wahdi udafi‘u ‘an jidaarin laysa li

Alone, I defend air that is not mine.
وحدي أدافع عن هواءً ليس لي
Wahdi udafi‘u ‘an hawaa’in laysa li

Alone, I stand on the rooftop of the city...
وحدي على سطح المدينة واقفٌ...
Wahdi ‘ala sathhi al-madinah waaqifun...

Job has died, and the phoenix has died, and the companions have departed.
أَيُّوبُ ماتَ, وماتتِ العنقاءُ، وانصرفَ الصَّحابَهْ
Ayyub maat, wa maatat al-‘anqaa’, wa insarafa al-sahabah

Alone. I coax my grieving self, but it refuses to help me against myself.
وحدي . أراود نفسيَ الثكلى فتأبي أن تساعدني على نفسي
Wahdi. Urawid nafsiy al-thukla fata’ba an tusa‘idani ‘ala nafsi

And alone,
ووحدي
Wa wahdi

I was alone
كنتُ وحدي
Kuntu wahdi

when I resisted alone
عندما قاومت وحدي
‘Indama qawamt wahdi

the final solitude of the soul.
وحدةَ الروحِ الأخيرهْ
Wahdat al-rooh al-akhira

[Scholars Notes]

The perpetual loneliness of the soul is a bitterness that can be deeply felt but never truly described. Yet what becomes of that bitterness when sweetness is all around? The bitterness of black tea without sugar is only sharpened by the memory of having tasted sweet tea before. Had I never known that sweetness, there would be no reason to miss it. And maybe that’s better. Why dwell on something I can never have? Why spend years reminiscing over something I only felt for a fleeting moment?

And what of the surrounding sweetness. When one’s loneliness is only amplified by the very act of being surrounded? No worse feeling can be described than that of being completely surrounded by others, yet feeling completely alone. Surviving alone. Resisting alone. Growing alone. Yet within this poem, I did not feel alone.

Whereas some people seek comfort through companionship, I turned to these words. Or rather, the words came to me. One night, as I was brushing my teeth and reflecting on myself in the mirror after a difficult week, I uttered one word. Alone. Like a storm following the first droplets of rain, the rest of the poem came flooding to my mind. I knew then I had to share it. I did not choose the poem of this week. Rather, the poem itself wrapped around me and hugged me when I needed it most. Here I extend that hug to you.

1. Job has died. Job is the central figure of the Book of Job in the Bible and is also considered a prophet in Islam. He was a good and prosperous man who faced severe trials, losing everything to test his faith in God. Mentioning his death symbolizes the loss of patience and hope in the face of suffering.